I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
