Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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