Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Randomize
