I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
