screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
