i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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