Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
That accounts for only three of the penises
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
you made out with another girl for some wings
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
