she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
