ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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