someone owes me an orgasm
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
No I am not eating basil off your cock
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
