You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
