Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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