We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
