Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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