I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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