I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
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