I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
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