it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
