That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
