Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
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