i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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