My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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