He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
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