grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
