if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
