Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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