Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
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She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
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