Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
