I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Randomize
