So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
