Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
