I am in a vortex of obligation.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
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