I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
