there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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