she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
