I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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