sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
