final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
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