One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
