STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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