haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Text me some of your sweat
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
