I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
