dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
