So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
