WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
