It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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