tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
