I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
