Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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