Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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