I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Randomize
