I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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