Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
She bit a glass in half.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
