Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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