i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
