i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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