she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
