You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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