Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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