Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
too bad you live with your parents still
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
