So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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