According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
