yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
