Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
