Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Never underestimate the power of titties
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
