there's paper in my vomit.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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