The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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