got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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