Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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