he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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